Taunted by idiots up front? Tired of getting beer thrown at you? Some nights you just want to kick someone’s ass. Let the experts show you how it’s done.

Build Your Case: A svelte Black Flag-era Henry Rollins allows some mulleted d-bag to taunt him repeatedly while receding into the crowd between swings. Strangely patient for someone with that many neck veins, Rollins just waits, lets the fan tire himself out, and maybe get a little sloppy before bringing the unholy heat.

Take Care of Business: Green Day songs are always straight to the point, and it’s obvious that Billie Joe Armstrong brings the same aesthetic to lil’ mohawked m-f’ers. After the fan declines an invitation to fight on stage, Armstrong takes the fight to him, wins (though it’s hard to tell in the chaos), taunts his rival, apologizes to the crowd and intros the next song. That’s a pro, folks.

Use Your Tools: A seasoned veteran, Keith Richards is aware that more torque can be generated with a Fender Telecaster than with heroin-soaked wrists. I mean, that’s just science. So when the balloons fall and an idiot runs on stage pursued by a roadie, Keith delivers the goods.

Farm Out Your Beatings: Angus Young is the greatest rock and roll guitarist ever, which means he doesn’t have time for people who think they can huck full beers at him. Far wiser than Axl, who’d have put a boot in this dude’s eye, Angus simply has the offender brought to him, mafia-style, and tweaks his nose, sidestepping lawsuits and making his point. It’s doubtful that guy’s nose was in the same shape by the end of the night.

Give the Drummer Some: At a wild Texas show, Kurt Cobain gets a couple great shots taken at him from, of all people, the security guy, who allegedly had been beating on fans all night, you know, in the name of security. I’ve never seen a drummer jump out from behind a kit faster than Dave Grohl does, here, and though he’s skinny, he looks like the kind of guy you’d have to kill to stop from coming at you. Drummers are usually the only band members in any kind of physical shape, which is a big reason why drum machines haven’t been able to replace them.

Ask Yourself, “What Would Axl Do?” I think we all know. If his spontaneity had only affected his creative output, we’d be on Chinese Democracy XVII by now.

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